Steph and Wes prove the couple that plays together stays together

To some, the critical, sometimes comforting, aspect of games is that they’re governed by rules. When a hockey puck is dropped, we know it will fall, and when that puck is propelled into the goal, we know a point has been gained.

When it comes to matters of the heart, however, all bets are off. There are no rules. There’s no way of knowing what will happen after a certain move is made, or what qualifies as winning or loosing.

For lifelong competitors Steph Sandstrom and Wes Mitchell, that means living outside of their comfort zone. 

Luckily, that also means it’s easy to defy the laws of tradition. Some couples identify with idyllic romances dreamed up in novels, while others prefer a more off-beat partnership. Steph and Wes wouldn’t have it any other way. 

With no rules, Steph and Wes were free to determine their own meaningful bond. To them, a head-to-head battle on a cyber football field is just as special as a sunset stroll along the beach. As long as the two are together, Steph and Wes are winning, and they’re building up an impressive record.

Guitars and Gutters

On a cold, Minnesota night in the winter of 2005, Wes  found warmth and comfort at Eagan’s Cedarvale Lanes. He was settling in to the familiar refrain of bowling balls rolling  and pins crackling when Steph’s presence brought pause to the game’s rhythm. 

Accustomed to seeing the same faces of close friends on the lanes, Wes was curious who this newcomer and her friend could be approaching their game.

Wes’ friend, Dustin, put an end to the uncertainty (well, sort of) when he began writing on the group’s scorecard and the girls’ names were projected overhead: “Puck” and “Bubbles.”

Steph earned her nickname from her passion for hockey. She began playing in third grade and had then just finished her senior year on the girls’ varsity squad at Lakeville High School.

By mingling with friends, the two learned they were both connected by a local rock band, Discombobulated. They couldn’t go about directly asking each other since both were “super shy,” Steph said.

While there were no initial sparks, the two soon were seeing each other more often since both were responsible for setting up and tearing down the equipment for the band. The group largely played out at area venues, including shows at The Garage in Burnsville (the group’s hometown), and The Enigma in Shakopee.

For months, Steph and Wes were simply brought together by their friends in the band and their verve for the local music scene. The same seven or eight people were always at band practice or peripheral outings, like playing video games and Frisbee tournaments.

That nonchalant interplay came to a close later that summer when the group of friends was playing softball at Nicollet Park in Burnsville.

“Another girl was flirting with Wes, and I remember getting really jealous,” Steph said. “That’s when I knew I was interested [in him].”

The Date that Wasn’t

That summer, Steph and Wes were seeing each other about once a week on their group outings. Wes was in between business studies at Normandale Community College in Bloomington, and Steph was set to go off to Augsburg College in Minneapolis in the fall.

They took advantage of as much free time as they could find by hanging out with friends, playing Mario Golf on the video game console, and relaxing by the Sandstrom family pool.

One afternoon, Steph made plans with Wes when she knew no one else from their core group of friends was around. The two met for dinner at the Apple Valley Quizno’s sandwich shop. When none of their friends showed up, Steph convinced Wes to accompany her to the Mall of America for some window shopping.

“I may have tricked him,” she said.

Steph said she remembered being attracted to Wes’ witty and sarcastic sense of humor, in addition to his overall “cuteness.”

The two had plenty to talk about on their stroll around the mall. They were into the same music, enjoyed playing sports, and of course, both reveled in the strategy and competitive nature of First Person Shooter video games.

“She was really laid back,” Wes said. “She likes to play football and video games. She’s kind of like one of the guys.”

Steph’s easygoing personality did, however, make it difficult for Wes to interpret any sort of subtle hints coming his way. He admitted he didn’t realize until much later that this night was, in fact, their first date.

“I thought we were just going to eat,” he said.

Within a couple of weeks Steph and Wes were courting each other in the way they knew best: behind the comfort of a computer monitor. Both found themselves eagerly waiting at the computer each night to see if the other was logged in to play multi-player games online.

They’d spend hours sending each other instant messages in between moves made on screen. The games gave the two a foundation for conversation and eased some of the nervousness of building a one-on-one rapport.

“It’s absolutely easier to flirt online,” Wes said.

“My idea of flirting is, like, a smiley face,” Steph added.

After so many nights of chatting and gaming, Steph and Wes said it became obvious the two were more than friends, but an instant message communication sealed the deal.

“Well, should we talk about us,” Wes typed on screen.

“Maybe,” Steph replied.

“Do you want to go out,” Wes asked.

“Yes,” Steph said.

Internet Connection

Little was different between Steph and Wes for the remainder of that summer other than the labels of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” they had assigned for one another. They continued to hang out with their group of friends, and competed in sports and in video games.

In the fall, their relationship was put to the test when Steph moved to Minneapolis to begin her classes, while Wes remained at his home in Savage. 

“It was really rough [to be apart],” Steph said.

To ease the situation, it became a ritual for Wes to pick up Steph every Friday so the couple could spend time together over the weekend while Steph could take a break from school. With many of their other friends then off to college as well, Steph and Wes noted a marked shift in more time together as just a couple than ever before.

Steph and Wes said they didn’t consider all their weekends together to be formal dates, but they did spend their time together going to movies, concerts and dinners.

“It was Wes-and-Steph time,” Wes said. “It was nice.”

Steph said her introverted personality made being away for college even more difficult. She found refuge in whatever could make her feel more at home. So,  on week nights she would go online to see if she could out-power Wes’ attacks through another multi-player game. 

Seemingly each time, Steph would find Wes already online and enthusiastically biding his time for her to sign in for a chat and a trip into the virtual battlefield.

The grind of going to classes, connecting through the internet gaming and meeting up for the weekends continued until the summer after Steph’s junior year in college. At the time, Steph still wasn’t coming into her own on campus, so her mother, Diane, convinced her that a move off campus might be a positive change for her final year of classes.

Steph said she couldn’t think of anyone to move in with but Wes, and he was equally excited at the notion. They found their sanctuary at Cedars 94, an apartment complex just east of downtown Minneapolis and adjacent to the Augsburg campus. In addition to being able to see each other every day, the couple enjoyed the convenience of having parks, entertainment and restaurants in their own neighborhood.

Still, it was Wes’ first time moving from home, so the arrangement wasn’t without its challenges.

“I missed my dogs,” he said.

An Early Gift 

After Steph graduated in the spring of 2009, she and Wes moved to Eden Prairie, where Steph was waiting to take a new position that ultimately fell through. Still, the two were centrally located to their jobs. Steph was putting her bachelor of science degree in biology to use as a pharmacy technician in Minnetonka, and Wes was established in his position as a buyer for Johnson Plastics in Bloomington.

As the holiday season approached, Wes decided the time was right for a proper proposal. True to form though, he wasn’t going to toe the line when it came to asking for Steph’s hand in marriage.

“I wasn’t looking forward to that whole awkward down-on-one-knee-at-a-restaurant thing,” Wes said.

Instead, Wes was keen on the charming qualities of simple gifts. He and Steph had made a tradition of exchanging gifts at Christmas and opening one package early to make bearable the anticipation of waiting to open all the presents on Christmas day.

A few nights before Christmas, Wes produced a small, silver box wrapped with white ribbon from its hiding place behind the larger boxes under the tree, and matter-of-factly presented it to Steph. Completely caught off guard, Steph opened the box and stared in disbelief.

“Do you know what this means?” Wes said.

Steph nodded.

“So what do you say?” Wes responded.

She instantly hugged him and said “yes!”

The couple kept the excitement — and the news — to themselves that evening, relishing in the joy of their secret. The next day, they told their families the news at their first official Christmas gathering.

“There was never any question [of if I would propose to Steph],” Wes said. “I just knew.”

Cherry on Top 

The following June, Steph and Wes bought their first home in Burnsville and instantly adopted a dog, “Cherry,” a mixed breed, to help with the house warming. There, they continued to play, and compete. Through the challenges, they’ve learned Steph is the more of the fierce competitor on the field, while Wes is more aggressive when it comes to gaming.  However, the couple does some role reversal with at least one sport. 

When Steph and Wes are vying for victory at the bowling alley, Wes is usually the one coming out on top.

“She was a sore looser [when it comes to bowling],” Wes said.

“It shouldn’t be that hard,” Steph added.

With each other they’ve learned they don’t always have to win.

Steph and Wes were married Sept. 10, 2011, in Montgomery, Minn.